‘Less-Than or Equal to Zero’

A Young Man Alone
 I feel weighed down
I know I should do
Should go
Should write
I know it could be good for me
But sometimes I just don’t
Do
 
Easier to numb out
But this leaves me feeling unsatisfied
Listless
And full of doubt
 
I don’t feel like I can just be anywhere
The problem isn’t me I say
I just don’t know
This me now
No this isn’t me he says
Like
Out of frequency
Like
Out of alignment
Like
I'm running out of breath
 
The distractions all around me
In me
Us
All the time
 
I know that time passes regardless
That things will not always be easy
Nor should they be
Doubt will be present regardless
Weather you follow your dreams
Or not
 
So I say
Without speaking
Like remembering
Without knowing
Put your heart into the first step
And then the next
Will get you there
 
Whether you clung to safety
Left unfulfilled
Hungry
Safe
Withering on the vine
 
Somedays feel like I’m just
Surviving
And this is part of life, yes, I know
But I don’t want to make a
Home here
In this fear
 
I guess I hold back because I just don’t know
If any of this will make sense
Will it resonate
Will anyone understand
Should they even
 
I don’t like asking for help
Don’t like to disappoint
Or feeling less than
Or equal to zero.
 
-Christian, 11/28/2019


 
 
 
Through the looking glass
Photo by Hammad Khalid from Pexels

2 thoughts on “‘Less-Than or Equal to Zero’”

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Heart-Mural